Just random crap I've had to listen to while putting up with His Baldness.

• I can build that. "If you build it, I will come. Oops, I held up my part of the bargain... when will you be done building it?"
• Gotta pinch it off -- it's a fighter.
• Get outta my belly.
• Get a job, you drunken brownie.
• Ah, new pavement... smooth as a baby's bottom.
• Good God that's old... it pre-dates fire.
• Oh, sure, it's possible, and it'll happen as often as the polar ice caps melt.
• The differences between a sushi bar and fish in a pet shop are actually pretty minor.

Quotes from others I know, but more amusing to me.

• "I'm finished now. Where's your crapper?" - Dinner at the Olive Garden, spoken by Rachel
• Well, I try to avoid soda, as I'm already full of lots of natural gas. - Cynthia, AP clerk
• Well, I may as well shoot myself in the head. "That's a decision we have to make for ourselves."
• Ducks in a row good ... ducks in a rowboat, not so good...

Quotes from random places not otherwise noted.

• "You're the worst ___ in the world." Well, that's just absurd... you haven't met everyone in the world.
• Ah, you're a bit of an Irish girl, from a big family, Catholic, dirty.
• I'm open-minded, yet lactose intolerant.