Okay, here's the deal.  I've realized that if I sit around the house and wait for things to happen, I'll end up about as socially crippled and inept as the bald guy.  I've decided to take matters into my own wings, to grab the bull duck by the horns tail, to take charge of my own destiny.

Thus, I am announcing my availability to spend quality time (afternoons, evenings, or for the more bold weekends and even vacation periods) with attractive, available females.  While my preferences tend to span the range of sparrow to geese to humans, I tend to prefer the humans.  You people types are just more fun, have a good understanding of humor, irony, and spoken words, and well, tend to be much taller and don't walk around in feather coats all the time.  (And unlike fur, feathers isn't murder, just a cruel joke played upon birds of flight.)   

Of course, I can't drive.  And I'm under 18.  As such, the bald guy will come along as a chaperone of sorts, provide transportation, financing*, and generally do my bidding... and yours as well, most likely.  Your only responsibilities are to show up (a vital first step), have fun, and not get any of us arrested.  I promise to do the same, as well as supplementing the items previously listed as being provided by the bald one.  (You may also elect to have your picture taken with me, to be provided to you after the date as a souvenir, but that is purely optional.)

I am generally available most weekdays in the mid-afternoons, and weekends.  I, unlike most of my winged counterparts, have a job.  I'm not happy about it, but I guess I couldn't expect to lounge around the house all day forever.  Yes, the bald guy is a demanding task master, but at least he's an evil one.  You may select the date and time of your choosing, and where to meet.  I will arrive, complete with chauffeur, funds for an outing, and at the end of the event (with or without complimentary photos, as mentioned), you will even receive a commemorative t-shirt (extremely big, one size fits most, and if you're petite, it becomes a nightdown, er, nightgown, nudge nudge...)  Click here if you'd like to join me on such an outing...

* While I am more financially stable as any duck I know, I have also found that very few people are willing to put the burden of financial responsibility "on my bill", regardless of how pun-ny that is to me.